We were paying a visit to the new Bahamian Attorney General. I accompanied our Charge d'Affaires and the head of our DEA unit on the visit as we welcomed the new AG and hoped to discuss a few things. It was a good meeting, but one part of it was particularly amusing.
We walked to the front desk in the AG's building, met by a Bahamian security officer. He stood behind a desk next to a walk-through metal detector. "Sign in, please," he said, gesturing to a book asking for signatures, times, rooms to be visited and other information no one will ever look at again.
The Charge was annoyed - even our hyper-sensitive Embassy security doesn't force VIPs to sign in when we've appropriately cleared them in advance - and we were running a few minutes late. The thought of stopping the Foreign Minister at our front gate and stripping him of metallic objects is, well, uncivilized. "That isn't necessary. We are guests of the Attorney General." said the Charge.
"I wasn't notified. Please sign in and walk through the detector," said the guard. You could tell he was unsure of this answer, because he made it more firmly than he should, and was betrayed by a concerned look. The Charge gave him a look of his own, sighed and signed in.
After we signed in, the Charge and I passed through the metal detector. As I turned to wait for the DEA chief, I saw an odd expression on his face. Sort of a smirk, resigned and clearly enjoying the moment. He walked through the metal detector, and as all hell broke loose, his smirk turned to a smile.
I was unaware that there are different alerts on metal detectors. The slow "beeep" when you forgot to take off your watch, when the bored guards ask you to walk through again. (As if they hope the machine were in error, and they hope that it just randomly makes mistakes. Not comforting, especially because sometimes you can make it through the second time.) Then there is a second alert -- a "WA WA WA WA WA," roughly translated as "Holy crap, this guy may just have an RPG in his pants." The machine gave off the latter when the DEA chief walked through. The machine went off like a jackpot in a cheesy Vegas casino.
The guard looked as nervous as the DEA chief was amused. "Are you carrying anything metallic?" the guard asked the DEA chief, hoping against all reason that the DEA chief would say "nope" and he could look the other way. He now realized he should have taken the Charge's suggestion to let us pass.
"Yup," said the chief as the guard realized he was stuck.
"Um, would you please please place it here," said the guard reaching out with a plastic bin.
"Not it. Them. And no." responded the chief with a broad smile. The guard started thinking hard, but didn't come up with anything. The DEA chief decided not to make it easy on him.
"I've got a 9mm on my leg and a .357 in my shoulder holster," smiled the DEA chief, adding for effect, "both loaded. Oh, and I've got an extra clip for the 9mm."
The guard looked at the chief, his eyes noting the bulge under the jacket and just above the right ankle. Torn for a moment between preventing a heavily armed man - a man no one told him would be coming - access to his Attorney General, and avoiding conflict, he made the right decision.
"Ummm, yes, sir, right then, please go right through. Have a nice day."
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