Life in the Foreign Service certainly has its moments. Moments where you have a sort of out-of-body realization that you aren't living a normal life - Foreign Service Moments. I got quite a few FSMs this year - flying on a blackhawk helicopter at 500 feet looking down over the beautiful Exuma Islands. Walking around drug dealer Carlos Lehder's compound on Norman's Cay (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carlos_Lehder). Having dinner with the Bahamian Foriegn Minister talking about cars and movies. Meeting Secretary of State Rice (who lives like a rock star, from a list of hotel room needs to a traveling posse to a personal jet); meeting President Clinton (who couldn't pick up on Kate), meeting Sean Connery (who is wrinklier and crankier than in Thunderball), Senators Nelson and Harkin, and; Jeb (the Smart One) Bush (who called me "Greggo" and teased me about my youthful appearance.)
But more than the "this is really cool" moments, you have "this is really odd" moments. Times where the beaurocracy and foreign cultures combine for sublime wierdness. In fact, I've taken to collecting phrases you only hear in the foreign service. The types of phrases that may never have been said before in the history or language. Some of my favorites:
"Good news, I have randomly procured you a top secret toilet." - My General Services Officer in response to a work order - protected areas of the Embassy require specially procured items.
"There are accusations of widespread corruption in the judiciary, with reports that justice can be traded for cows." - Sudan's Human Right's Report
"I tried to reach Ja Rule's manager through his record label, Murder Inc, but wasn't successful. I guess if Washington can't reach him, we'll have to hope he registers his presence with the Consulate!" - Fun in the Consulate
"Do you often travel with your bunnies?" - A Consular Visa Interview Question
"So, what made you decide to become a dominatrix at the age of 17?" - More Fun Visa Interviews
"I can't wait to get to Turkmenistan." - Desperation in the Foreign Service
"You are very beautiful, but you are not worth many cows." - In response to a Foreign Service Officer's question about the size of dowry she could get in Southern Sudan.
"Many in non-cricket playing countries underestimated the potential leverage of cricket removal as a strategy of diplomacy." - From a FSO report in Canberra
"We can't talk about the deputy prime minister right now, we have to get the dogs to the groomer." - Me, to Kate.
"Oh, I've got a turtle excluder device in my garage." - Yes, we monitor international environmental conventions, including those protecting turtles from fishing nets.
"I am learning to appreciate the unique qualities of Nuevo Laredo." - The Foreign Service Can-Do Attitude
"Who took my biological warfare kit?" - Me, to my boss.
"I really miss Ulaanbaatar!" - More Foreign Service desperation.
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